Bedtime is meant to be the gentle wrap-up to a long day, but kids don’t always see it that way. Just when parents are ready to wind things down, kids try to hold onto the fun of the day for just a little bit longer. However, sleep is one of the most important foundations of overall well-being.
Sleep is especially important for a child’s growth and development because their bodies and brains are developing so rapidly. Newborns can sleep as many as 17 hours a day, toddlers sleep as much as 14 hours, and preschoolers sleep as many as 13 hours each day. By the time children enter elementary school, they’ll be sleeping about 10 hours each night, and they’ll get down to about 8 hours by the time they’re teenagers.
Between 20 and 40 percent of children have poor sleep health, which can negatively impact their growth and development. Growth hormones are produced during sleep, and too little sleep can affect bone and muscle development, as well as behavior, mood, cognitive function, school performance, and more.
When kids don’t get enough sleep, it can result in missing school, impulsivity, difficulty paying attention, decreased motivation, defiance or noncompliance, depression or anxiety, difficulty falling asleep or waking often, hyperactivity, impaired decision making or problem solving, emotional dysregulation, irritability or anger, memory impairment, and more. Fortunately, consistent bedtime routines can help improve your child’s sleep health and reduce bedtime battles.
Why Your Toddler Is Not Sleeping Well
Tiredness is caused by sleep pressure, which is driven by the buildup of proteins called adenosines. Sleep pressure builds up quickly for infants, which is why they sleep so much and so often. It builds more slowly as children grow, so they spend more time awake before feeling tired. Children may not sleep well if their sleep schedule isn’t aligned with their internal sleep pressure.
Undertiredness vs. Overtiredness
Babies and kids may not be tired if we try to put them to bed before their bodies are ready. It can look similar to being overtired, which happens when a child is physically tired but mentally unable to sleep.
Kids aren’t as good at managing their emotions, and they may need help relaxing enough to fall asleep. Overtiredness happens when an emotional state, like anxiety or distress, prevents them from sleeping even when they’re tired. It’s a survival response that allows us to stay awake and alert when there’s potential danger. It’s a perfectly normal part of your baby’s development, even if it can be frustrating.
Developmental Sleep Regression
Sleep regression is the terror of parents everywhere. It’s when a baby or child who has been sleeping well suddenly slips back into prior behaviors and starts sleeping poorly again. It can be caused by a wide range of things, including teething, illness, and changes to routine or environment.
Sleep regression is common in kids two years and younger, beginning at about three to four months of age. Other common regression periods include 9, 12, 18, and 24 months. As difficult as it can be, sleep regression is a normal part of a child’s development, and it typically resolves on its own relatively quickly.
Separation Anxiety and Bedtime Fears
Children may exhibit separation anxiety at night when they are expected to sleep on their own. That anxiety can manifest as bedtime fears, like being afraid of the dark or afraid of strange noises at night. Bedtime fear is especially common among young children who have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy.
For older kids dealing with bedtime fears, talk with them about what they’re afraid of and take their concerns seriously. Just because it might seem silly to you doesn’t mean it isn’t real to them. With that said, make sure not to reinforce their fears with things like “monster repellent.” A dim nightlight can be helpful, and a security object, like a favorite blanket or stuffed animal, can provide comfort.
Screen Time and Overstimulation Before Bed
Blue light from screens can delay the body’s natural sleep cycle, reduce melatonin production, and make it harder to fall asleep. With that in mind, bedrooms should be dark, cool, quiet, and free of distractions, including screens.
To reduce overstimulation, avoid exercise and other stimulating activities for at least an hour before bedtime. Instead, hang out with your kid and help them wind down while giving them positive attention. Talking about their day, cuddling, or reading a book together can make kids feel connected, emotionally fulfilled, and ready to fall asleep.
Inconsistent Sleep Schedules
It’s important to make sleep a priority and to keep a consistent schedule. Try to go to bed at the same time and wake up at the same time every day, even on weekends, so your child’s still-developing body and mind know what to expect.
The Importance of Creating a Bedtime Routine
Sleep is when the body and brain rest, recover, and grow. Studies have shown that kids with a consistent bedtime have better emotional and behavioral control under stress and when working with others. A consistent sleep schedule is one of the most effective ways to support healthy sleeping habits. A bedtime routine also helps kids feel more secure and settle into sleep more easily.
Sleep routines let your child’s body and brain know it’s time to wind down and go to sleep. They also improve the quality of your child’s sleep and make bedtime transitions easier because your child knows what to expect.
Creating a Bedtime Routine That Actually Works
Getting to bed at the same time every day (even on weekends) is the first step toward a good bedtime routine, but it doesn’t have to be the last. You can create a relaxing bedtime routine that helps your child wind down and prepare for rest.
Your routine can be anything you want it to be, but it should be calming, simple, and repeatable. Try to think of things you’ll be able to do even if you’re not in your usual environment. Getting your child to sleep in an unfamiliar place like a hotel room or a relative’s house can be easier if you can maintain your usual sleep routine.
A simple and repeatable bedtime routine for a toddler might include taking a bath, putting on pajamas, reading a book, and then going to bed. By doing the routine every time, your child knows what to expect and gradually transitions toward bedtime. While consistency is key, so is flexibility. You might need to switch things up as your child grows, to accommodate their expanding interests and changing preferences. For instance, a bedtime routine for a kindergartener might include picking an outfit for the next day, putting their pajamas on, brushing their teeth, spending a few minutes talking about their favorite part of their day, and reading a book.
How to Help Kids Fall Asleep Faster
Children have an easier time falling asleep when we create a sleep environment that meets their developmental needs. Establish a bedtime that makes sense for their age, and give them ways to manage their emotions.
Newborns have no set bedtime. They sleep when they want to, and the rest of us are along for the ride. As newborns grow into older kids, their ideal bedtime bounces around. These age-specific bedtimes
- 4 to 6 months: 7:00 to 8:00 p.m.
- 7 months to 2 years: 6:00 to 7:30 p.m.
- 3 to 5 years: 7:00 to 8:30 p.m.
- 6 to 13 years: 7:15 to 9:00 p.m.
- 14+ years: 10:00 to 11:00 p.m. (ensuring 8 hours of sleep)
The ideal sleep environment is dark, cool, quiet, and free of distractions. Even with an ideal environment, kids may need to practice self-soothing skills to manage their emotions. Good self-soothing techniques include: deep breathing, visualization, journaling (for older kids), calming music, positive self-talk, mindfulness, and grounding exercises.
Another common soothing technique for kids (and adults) is using a comfort object, such as a favorite blanket or stuffed animal. The goal is for them to fall asleep and stay asleep without needing you to intervene. And remember to stick to the routine. If you hear the famous words “I’m not tired,” let your child know they don’t have to go to sleep, but they do have to go to bed. If you stick to the routine, odds are they’ll fall asleep before long.
How to Get a Toddler to Stay in Bed
Children will find practically any excuse to get out of bed. They want a drink, a story, a snack, or a hug. They heard a sound, or forgot to tell you something really important. They need to go to the bathroom, and forgot to do their homework (making a poster board at midnight is a parental rite of passage). The list goes on and on.
One of your most powerful tools is setting clear bedtime expectations. Stick to the routine. Going through the same pre-bedtime steps clearly signals that bedtime is approaching. If your child gets out of bed at night, and they will, don’t make a fuss. You don’t want to reinforce that behavior either positively or negatively, so remain neutral. Gently and calmly return them to bed, tell them you love them, and leave.
Consistency matters, even and especially when it’s hard. You’re going to be tempted to give them what they want. They’ve got those cute little faces and sweet little voices, which are literally perfected for demanding our attention. Once it’s bedtime, don’t give in.
Common Bedtime Mistakes to Avoid
Kids learn pretty quickly how to push our buttons and test boundaries. You have to keep on your toes to avoid common pitfalls.
- Missed deadlines: Don’t let bedtime routines drag on too long. The ideal length is about half an hour, and when it’s over, it should be over. Don’t make a habit of agreeing to extra stories or extra chapters when it’s time for sleep.
- Negotiating: Toddlers are some of the most skilled negotiators on the planet. They’ll come up with every possible reason why they can’t go to sleep, why they need just five more minutes, and if you’d just listen to what they’re saying, you’ll come to understand. Giving in to those requests teaches your child that they can call the shots if they just keep negotiating.
- Inconsistency: It can be hard to stay the course, but it’s important. When your child gets up at night, calmly and gently return them to bed. If we’re inconsistent in our response, they might learn to get up and roll the dice instead of staying in bed.
- Breaking routine: Skipping naps or pushing bedtime too late are both ways of messing with your child’s sleep expectations. One might have them falling asleep too early, while the other has them up too late. Either one makes it harder for your child’s body to understand and predict when it’s time for bed.
When to Seek Extra Help for Sleep Issues
Most childhood sleep difficulties are completely normal and will resolve on their own over time. Sometimes, however, you might need to call in reinforcements. Talk to your child’s pediatrician about seeing a sleep specialist if your child exhibits any of the following, even after behavioral or lifestyle changes:
- Consistent difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
- Signs of sleep apnea (snoring, breathing pauses, sleep disruption)
- Unusual sleep events like sleepwalking or nightmares
Some unusual sleep behavior might be part of your child’s ordinary development, but if you’re at all concerned about their sleeping behavior, let your pediatrician know.
Sources
Mayo Clinic, Sleep: An essential element of success for children
Loma Linda University Health, Why sleep is essential for children’s brain development and health
University of Florida Health, Why Quality Sleep Is Key for Children’s Health and Ways to Get More
Little Ones, Overtired vs Undertired Baby: Signs, Solutions & Sleep Tips
Milestones, Sleep Regressions: When & Why They Happen & How to Survive
Cincinnati Children’s, Bedtime Fears: Helping Overcome Them
Calm Clinic, How to Stop Nighttime Separation Anxiety
PennState, Consistent bedtime linked with better child emotion and behavior regulation
Ovid, Associations Between Sleep Health and Child Behavior at Age 6 Years in the INSIGHT Study
Parents, The Age-by-Age Guide to Better Bedtimes for Kids
Mental Health Center Kids, 10 Best Self-Soothing Techniques for Kids & Teens
Nationwide Children’s, When Should Your Child See a Sleep Specialist?
How to Brush Your Kid’s Teeth
1. Get Ready
- Use a child-sized soft toothbrush and fluoride toothpaste.
- Under 3 years: tiny amount (rice grain).
- 3+ years: pea-sized amount.
2. Brush All Surfaces
- Hold the brush at a 45° angle to the gums.
- Use gentle circles or back-and-forth motions.
- Clean outer surfaces, inner surfaces, chewing surfaces, and tongue.
4. Time it
Brush for 2 minutes, twice a day (morning + night). Use a timer, song, or chart to keep track.
5. Spit, Don’t Swallow
Encourage spitting out toothpaste. A quick wipe or small sip of water is fine for young kids.
6. Floss Once a Day
Start flossing when teeth are grown in and touch. Floss between each tooth. Parents should floss until kids can manage on their own.
7. Supervise & Cheer Them On
Help your child brush until at least age six, and check their brushing after that. Give praise, high-fives, or let them add a sticker to the chart to encourage them to want to brush their teeth regularly!
