Bonding is the process of developing an intense emotional attachment between two or more people. Bonds help people feel connected to the people around them, and they begin from the first moments of your baby’s life. The bond between a child and caregiver is what makes parents want to spend every waking moment taking care of their children, and it makes babies feel comfortable and protected in their presence.
The baby bond is what makes every parent think their child is the best there ever was, and it makes all those late nights and dirty diapers worth it. Bonding takes many forms and serves various purposes in nature, sometimes with adorable results, such as when a baby duckling imprints on and bonds to a human caregiver. The bond between a child and their primary caregiver(s) is the first and most important relationship in a newborn’s life. It sets the foundation for the relationships they’ll build and maintain throughout their lives.
Factors that Affect Bonding with Your Baby
Bonding lays the foundation for how your baby views and understands interpersonal relationships, helping them develop self-esteem and independence. Some parents feel an immediate attachment to their newborn, while others may need a few days (or longer) to feel those intense positive feelings.
If you don’t feel an immediate connection, don’t worry. Middling feelings, or even negative feelings, toward newborns are common among new parents during the initial stages of parenthood and are often no cause for concern. Bonding is a gradual process that occurs over time, rather than something that happens all at once. You can take a moment to catch your breath.
Difficult birth: Giving birth can be a miraculous experience filled with love and joy, but it can also be an exhausting undertaking. New parents can be forgiven for not immediately switching into caregiver mode in the moments after giving birth. It’s okay to take some time to rest and recover.
Lack of sleep: Newborns sleep a lot, upwards of 15 hours a day at first, but not all at once and not when it’s most convenient. They’ll settle into a more regular sleeping schedule before long, but those first few months can keep you busy and feeling exhausted around the clock.
Being on call 24 hours a day can leave some parents feeling irritable and even resentful toward their tiny bundles of joy. Keep faith that you’ll settle into a rhythm, ask for help when you need it, and remember that those difficult early months and negative feelings will pass.
Postpartum depression: Depression impacts approximately 21 million adults in the United States or about 8% of the adult population. On top of that, postpartum depression impacts about one in seven parents in the U.S., which can make bonding more difficult. Remember that you’re not alone; feelings of depression are common in new parents and are treatable with help and support from friends, family, and medical professionals.
10 Ways to Bond with Your Newborn Baby
- Touch: Skin-to-skin contact is one of the most common ways for babies and parents to bond. It’s also a favored soothing technique. Some other ways to bond through touch include holding hands, giving hugs and kisses, and gentle baby massage. When your baby is a few months old, you can also try giving your baby raspberries on their belly. Not only is it a great way to bond, but there’s also a high likelihood of baby giggles, which are just about the best thing on earth.
- Eye contact: Look at your baby and let them look back at you. In the early days of life, your baby is learning how facial expressions communicate emotions and information. Eye contact not only helps create lasting bonds but it also helps your child’s cognitive development.
- Talk and sing: Babies pay attention to tone and pick up on the nuances of communication even before they learn to talk. Talking and singing to your baby also helps them become familiar with the sound of your voice. Babies can even hear your voice from inside the womb, so you can start talking and singing to your little one during development, so they know what you sound like before they’re even born.
- Feeding: People all over the world connect by breaking bread, and babies are no different. Providing a meal, whether from breast or bottle, provides regular time to connect with your baby. In addition to feedings, you can incorporate holding, rocking, and skin-to-skin contact during meal times. If you are breastfeeding, consider pumping breast milk into bottles so that the non-nursing parent can also feed the baby and share midnight feeding duties.
- Bath time: Not only is bathing an essential part of keeping your baby happy and healthy, but it’s also another opportunity for bonding. Make bath time fun with bubbles, toys, splashing, and other bath games.
- Comfort when crying: Especially in the early days of life, babies aren’t capable of soothing themselves, let alone caring for themselves. When they cry, try to determine what they need and respond accordingly. After a meal, a clean diaper, or just a little attention, tears usually stop before long. Along the way, your baby will learn that you’re there when they need you, and your bond will strengthen.
- Forget the small stuff: Those first few weeks and months at home can be hectic. Suddenly, you’re trying to balance all of the demands of everyday life (work, bills, housekeeping, friendships, and more) with the needs of a new baby. Some of those everyday things have to be maintained, but others can wait. If you have to choose between doing the dishes and spending time with your baby, let the dishes soak a little while longer.
- Make time for others: Whether that’s a romantic partner, a co-parent, a friend, or a family member, make time for the people around you. Your baby is paying attention to how you interact with others to understand the dynamics of different types of relationships.
- Share the load: As a parent or caregiver, you are the most important person in your baby’s life, but you don’t have to be the only person in their life. Let friends and family spend some time with your child so you can take a moment to rest. That’s especially important if you’re feeling symptoms of burnout or postpartum depression. Taking a break allows you to return to your baby with renewed attention and affection.
- Relax: You and your baby are wired to bond to one another. Sometimes, there are complications, but they have a wonderful way of detangling themselves and making space for lifelong bonds. Take a breath, be responsive to your baby’s needs, and trust that a bond will develop all on its own if you let it.
